I have learned an important lesson….I cannot control my emotions, but I can control my actions.
Internalizing fear, angst, worry, or anxiety for the sake of others is [at first glance] selfless.
In reality this is completely selfish…because it is an attempt to excuse oneself from any blame associated with their discomfort. An implosion is practically inevitable .
Why would you get up the nerve to do something that you subconsciously know will hurt… if you’re not careful?
It is because while in the moment, you feel empowered and un-stifled.
Some people do it for the rush, for the temporary numbing effect. In some cases…. so that the rejection feels more like "blah" than "ouch"
Simple Physics teaches us that what goes up must come down.
It’s always after all that intensity…that you crash, and you have to figure out...was it worth it?
Was it worth jumping down the rabbit hole?
I’m no victim, I live life, it breaks me and I pull it together.
I loathe a pity party.
I loathe a pity party.
I can’t help who I am. I know my problems, my pet peeves, and my perfect failures. I also know my actions impact my off-spring and those in close proximity to me. But I haven’t served my purpose yet.
Even after taking hits from everyone, and waking up in the morning mentally sore…I own my life, and I am responsible for every action and decision made in it. Regardless of whether I fuck up every day, I must find the strength to own up to it.
I am myself… even if it hurts.
No comments:
Post a Comment